Lesbians and Blackpool

I’m currently sitting on a Virgin train at Crewe. Crewe is where I was born, 29 years, 5 months, and 23 days ago. But that’s beside the point.

So far, the journey has been terrible. It has not been helped by the fact that I have just eaten possibly the worst hotdog in the world. Actually, it was a ‘hotdog wrap’. I know, I know; I should have been put off by the name alone, but the description (I know OK!), made it sound nice, and I was really, really hungry. The last thing I had to eat was grapefruit, toast, a sausage, half a slice of bacon, a spoon of beans, half an egg, a hash brown, some mushrooms, and a tomato. I could have just said, ‘an English breakfast’, but you know. It never hurt to be descriptive. As clearly, the manufacturers of this ‘hotdog wrap’ had also learnt. ‘Caramelised onions’ my arse.

The train is going ridiculously slowly, and I don’t think I’ll be home until at least 8. But then, does it really matter in the big picture? And, can I really be upset, seeing as how today, I shook hands with the cast of The L-Word?? Nah…..

It is now Monday

the 3rd December. My battery ran out. Or rather, I ran out of patience with the three woman besides me, giving me dirty looks, until I finally realised it was because my headphones weren't fully plugged in, so everyone could listen along to Death in Vegas etc. Probably not quite what they wanted to hear, but still.

Hands Around My Throat - Death in Vegas

Violet - Steve Lawler

Tuesday Paranoia - Jenifer Cardini and Shonky

Anyway. Yeah. L Word Convention. Brilliant. Thousands (literally), of scary lesbians all in Blackpool. It sounds like a horror film pitch. "You see right, there's this town. This really, depressing, rainy, dirty town, right. And the rain is lashing down, the wind is gale force, howling through the streets, yeah? And then right, there's lesbians. Hundreds of 'em. Short ones, fat ones, short and fat ones, peirced ones, old ones, tall, skinny, white ones - imagine it. Brrrr...." But, asides from that, it was brilliant. Mostly due to the company I was in (Emma, Holly, Sue and Sue, Sam, Sarah and Patricia), all of whom were sweet, funny and I'm pretty sure I innocently flirted with one of them (odd how it seems like even I'm not sure if I did or not), but I'm sure they didn't get it. Besides, I am, after all English, so either people just think I'm being polite, or I'm quite simply just no good at flirting with people. It doesn't really matter anyway, does it. You don't want to ready about me.

Here are some pictures. This first one, is Emma's delicious lunch on our Virgin Train:


These are a couple of the 'press' (read two journalists, one photographer, and two tag alongs), while waiting for the cast to be ready. It was very cold.



Here are some of the cast (Leisha Hailey, Kate Moennig and Laurel Holloman):

This next one is the cause of frustration for me. My press pass, with my bloody name spelt wrong. It was written down right in front of the bloody idiot. How can people do this? I don't understand. The bitch wouldn't change it either. Tart.


And there you have it. My weekend summed up in a just a few pictures. It was great, it really was. Asides from my hotdog wrap that is. But I can make people jealous, having shaken hands with the cast shown here. I have looked in to Leisha Hailey's eyes and told her using the power of my subconscious that I do have a thing for her, and that she can find me at 4c. I have eaten a tea cake, packet of crisps for lunch, washed down with 3 pints of John Smiths. I have been to Blackpool. I have stayed in the most wonderfully kitsch hotel ever, run by lesbians no less. I have stayed up till the early hours getting stoned and talking about sexuality with someone from the radio. Darling. I did get lost in the labyrinthesque hotel corridors of The Norbreck Castle (or The Overlook Hotel as it became to be known). You see? Even Blackpool can make a girl's dreams come true.

Today is a beautiful day. Which is amazing, considering the storms we've had recently. Now, I must go and enjoy it.

Have a super few days little people. I will return. When I have something thrilling to tell you. Which, as is becoming apparent, isn't that often.